Help Me, Please!

Posted: May 6, 2017 by cschrump in Uncategorized

“Damn. They finally got to him.  Sigh.  They finally got to my guy.”  I absolutely remember thinking those exact thoughts a few years ago.  Hall of Fame coach, Hubie Brown began saying, “Score the ball” during NBA broadcasts in measured doses but now, it’s as if it’s just poured straight from the tap right into our ears.  He, as well as others, say it at an almost otherworldly rate.  Hey, start listening for it.  It will blow your mind.  I can’t stand it!  “Score the ball!”  How is this even a thing?  How?  Who started this phrase, “score the ball?”  It’s patently absurd.  It’s dumb.  When I hear it, it makes me close my eyes and shake my head slowly.  I have an extremely difficult time processing this content.  I know it’s been going on for several years now but it’s just impossible to watch a halftime show or game broadcast without hearing this at least every few minutes.  Why are our network basketball talking heads trying so hard to sound so intelligent?

I compare this bullshit to the elitist TV golf guys that like to say, “3 metal.” Fuck off, Brandel Chamblee, it’s a damn 3 wood… always has been, always will be.  Take your holier than thou act to another planet.  Here’s a public service request:  If you’re at a country club or a public course, do everyone there a favor and smack anyone you hear say, “3 metal.”  Maybe not hard but with enough force to get their attention.  You’d be doing everyone a good deed.  Pay it forward.

Here’s the thing though, you won’t have to. Normal, weekend golf guy isn’t falling for Chamblee’s antics and saying something so asinine.  Normal golf guy is not that easily conned.  Well, except for buying a set of $1700 Callaway irons because he saw Patrick Reed use them at the Ryder Cup when he singlehandedly bludgeoned the Euros at Hazeltine.  Other than that, normal golf guy is level headed.  Just like normal basketball fan isn’t at a wing joint with his two buddies saying, “Damn, boys, Russell Westbrook can really score the ball!”

Part of my problem is jealousy, probably, if I’m being honest. I expect more from TV’s supposed best and brightest.  I hold a degree in Radio/TV and that was without question, my passion.  For sports to somehow provide me a living, was my dream from a very young age.  A very young age.  It’s all I thought about.  If I wasn’t playing basketball, football or baseball, I was reading/listening/watching basketball, football or baseball.  However, for a multitude of reasons, I didn’t chase that career path and now, I sit in front of my television and bitch and moan.  I’m very good at it.  I’m without question, a world class complainer.  Most likely, that’s why I keep such a small circle of friends.  It takes a special kind of person to put up with my incessant bitching.  Announcer says the score wrong?  Oh shit, I’m going to blow like Mt. St. Helens.  Color commentator talks about how beautiful LeBron’s drive to the basket was and fails to mention the 4 steps he took to get there?  I’m hostile!  Former player turned studio analyst, my least favorite by the way, says Michigan University?  I’m ready to throw myself down a flight of stairs to end the pain.  I get it, it’s a problem.  Can’t help it.  I’m wired wrong.

Maybe we all should just agree that we need to start correcting one bad sports broadcasting habit at a time. Kind of like the fat guy that drinks too much, exercises too little and smokes a half pack of Camels a day, you’re not fixing all of that in one sitting.  Let’s be real.  You might not fix any of it but I can assure you, you’re not fixing it fast.  A little goes a long way.  If we can all agree to just bitch and moan enough about how absurd “score the ball” sounds, maybe that goes away after awhile.  When Jalen Rose says, “score the ball”, and he will – we go to his Twitter page and light it up until it glows.  When Brandel Chamblee says, “3 metal” – take to social media with a raw vengeance and let that pretentious goof know that you won’t take his spoiled brat commentary any longer.

My sanity deserves it.

  1. JH says:

    Nice read here from a good guy who smokes way more than a half pack a day, eats way too much, and is a chronic alcoholic, but i am damn glad to be one of his small circle of friends, as I’m all of those things and then some! Can’t wait to hook up this weekend to give the theee metal a whack, and then watch some NBA legends. Score the ball!


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