Archive for January, 2018

images-6Up to this point LaVar Ball and his boys three have brought nothing to the table besides cheap shoes and hot air.  And just when I think they couldn’t possibly be any worse, they go and give us something like this… and totally redeem themselves!


No really, check this shit out.

This is the song the play-by-play guy sang when news broke that Big Ballers were coming to town.


That’s good stuff, right?  Here is the full song where that came from.


Now aren’t you glad LaVar entered our lives last year?  I mean we would never know what fine asses Lithuanian women had.  Who knew?!?

Wait, there is more.


Alright, I have watched this more than anyone should and I still can’t figure out if she is planning on kidnapping the boys and feed them those potatoes or what the hell is going on.  Let me know if you figure it out.

Anyway, I want to thank the Ball’s for taking their talents to the Baltic and giving me the tune I will not get out of my head for weeks.

Welcome to Lith-u-a-nia

Welcome to Lith-u-a-nia


The Colts’ Circus at W. 56th Street

Posted: January 4, 2018 by cschrump in Uncategorized

by Chad Schrump

There is an eerie, almost cult-like fascination by a vocal minority in the city of Indianapolis about whether or not Colts’ owner Jim Irsay should “open or keep shut” the mostly tax funded, Lucas Oil Stadium roof each Sunday Game Day. If you visit Twitter, Irsay’s page is literally flooded with comments, most of which brutally criticize his decision regarding the $100M roof, regardless of whether it stays closed or is painstakingly opened.

Mercifully, the 2017 Colts’ campaign ended last Sunday with a win and at least until next August, we won’t have to debate the roof decision. This column won’t discuss Lucas Oil Stadium and its roof any longer but instead, we should talk about the ‘Big Top’ that’s currently covering the Indianapolis Colts’ complex on W. 56th Street.

Grab the kids and even your neighbors then come on over because over the course of the last week, Irsay’s workplace has become a full-blown circus!

Where to start? Let’s begin with the Colts, last Friday, finally trotting out their $140M franchise quarterback to meet with the media regarding the shoulder that refuses to heal.  Andrew Luck, noticeably bigger and stronger than the last time he met the Indy media, still seemed, to me, like a guy that’s depressed and had absolutely no desire to be meeting with anyone, much less media.

Andrew discussed feeling “like a distraction” and “not truly being part of the team.” Those feelings are to be expected.  I’m not sure how an injured player can feel like he’s part of any sport’s team, much less a football team, where major injuries are the norm – not the exception.  The mantra is “next man up” and is heeded at an entirely different level in the NFL.

What had me scratching my head most about Luck’s long overdue presser, was that he felt he had to go to Europe, specifically the Netherlands, to receive physical therapy. That he “felt like a distraction and was being pulled in different directions.”  What?  You couldn’t have gone to Mobile, Alabama for said treatment?  You couldn’t have gone to Kalamazoo, Michigan?  Phoenix?  You had to go to Europe?  Huh?  I’ve had physical therapy before and felt inconvenienced when I had to drive 15 minutes, three days a week! Can you imagine traveling 4,000 miles and staying in Europe for a couple months to get the necessary PT?  That just seems absurd to me.  Luck says he didn’t have any other procedures done, only therapy.

Okay then. Whatever you say, Andrew.  You have to admit, that’s just really bizarre.

Luck went on to say that he’s not putting a timetable on his rehab but felt like he’d be a full go for all of the off-season workouts, OTA’s, etc. Essentially, that’s putting a timetable on it but I get what he’s saying.  His “gut tells him that he does not need another surgery” so we’ll just have to roll with the limited information we’ve gotten.  Jacoby Brissett is a really nice backup – maybe with time, a damn good starter – but I need Mr. Luck back under center to lead this team into its future.  Not Brissett.  Not some hotshot #1 draft pick.

But damn, when’s he going to throw a football again!?

After Sunday’s unnecessary, but comically expected victory against the Texans, which cost Indy the #2 pick in the upcoming draft, Chuck Pagano was finally put out to pasture. This was a very, very, very long time coming and came with essentially little to no fanfare.  Chuck was presented with a game ball in front of his football team by Irsay and then an hour later, was presented with a pink slip.

Image result for pagano game ball

Bing, bam, boom, done. Should have happened at the end of the 2015 season but at least the deed is done.

The Colts released a statement to the news outlets and through social media accounts but Pagano wasn’t paraded in front of the media to say goodbye and thankfully, Irsay didn’t speak about the termination Sunday. Irsay would speak plenty the following day.

Which brings us to Monday. Just wow.

Colts’ GM Chris Ballard and Irsay met with the media in the late afternoon to discuss the state of the franchise and my oh my, was it something to behold.

Irsay said repeatedly that Ballard would do the “heavy lifting” and present him with a worthy head coaching candidate to hire. He said that he doesn’t remember a time that he didn’t agree with his GM when presented a candidate to make head coach.  That had to be good news to the Colts’ GM – that he could hire “his guy” and not an Irsay-like “splashy” hire, i.e. Jon Gruden, Nick Saban, Jim Harbaugh, etc.  This frees up Ballard to find a man that he can work with, hand in hand and build something special.

The more Chris Ballard talks, the more I realize how much I already trust his decision making. There’s a very real sense of cockiness, and maybe that’s not the right word, when it comes to Ballard.  It feels like he knows that he was born to put a football franchise together.  That he was bred to build a winner.  He’s quietly confident and has an air of superiority about him that seems real and necessary, yet doesn’t overpower the room.  I love listening to him speak and gain more and more confidence in him the more I do but unfortunately for those in attendance Monday afternoon, Jim Irsay and his random thoughts took center stage and engulfed his GM.

Irsay rambled on and on about who knows what and God knows who, seemingly channelling his inner Bill Walton even so much as looking menacingly at a writer that had written some unfavorable things about him in the Indianapolis Star and raising his voice at him.

It was comical.

It was sad.

Image result for luck press conference friday

At one point, the same writer that asked Irsay the question that had previously riled him up – bravely asked another which then prompted a 12-minute soliloquy that made about as much sense as when a dental patient coming out of anaesthesia and being secretly recorded, starts talking gibberish and then the video is posted on social media.  Go to YouTube and watch one of those videos and then listen to Irsay – not much difference between the two.  Just unintelligible ramblings like you can’t even fathom.

Don’t get me started on the fact that this guy says “um” about 15-20 times per minute. That is not an exaggeration.  It’s insane.  He is perhaps the worst speaker I have ever listened to, maybe even worse than Trump.  Now that’s saying something!  Has there ever been such a high profile individual that can’t publicly speak – yet talks incessantly? Insists on talking, even! Once started, there is no shutting off the spigot that controls Jim Irsay’s mouth.  The man can speak for an hour and not tell you a thing.  It’s truly amazing.

And people are listening to this! Potential head coaches are listening and thinking, “Man, what is going on in Indianapolis?  Who is running that show?  Do I want to be part of that?

Yes, my friends, Irsay professes that Chris Ballard is in charge of football operations, which he absolutely needs to be, but it’s pretty easy to see and hear that Irsay is having a difficult time letting him.

It’s painfully obvious that Ballard is going to have a difficult time being ringmaster and running this circus.

You see, unfortunately, a clown keeps stealing the show.



The Plight of a Cincinnati Sports Fan

Posted: January 2, 2018 by cschrump in Uncategorized

by Ryan Sparks

“That means the Bengals are going to suck for another 2 years.”  While that is the opinion held by many, it was odd hearing it from where I heard it.  Those are the words of an extremely soft spoken 7-year-old.  A 7-year-old who cringes when I cuss.  A 7-year-old who often says, “Dad, LANGUAGE!” A 7-year-old who doesn’t use the word “suck”.

For 15 years, Marvin Lewis has been a Cincinnati staple.  When you think of Cincinnati, you think of Skyline Chili, Graeter’s Ice Cream and Montgomery Inn.  Unfortunately, from a lifelong Cincinnati sports fan, those go hand in hand with underachieving sports teams.  The amount of sleep I’ve lost over this collective group of teams is staggering.

I’m 37 years old, so my recollection doesn’t go back as far as some, but let me recount some vivid memories.

I’ll take you back to March 9, 2000.  The University of Cincinnati was playing St. Louis in the first round of the Conference USA basketball tournament.   Less than 3 minutes into the game, the consensus National Player of the Year, Kenyon Martin, broke his leg, effectively dashing any hopes of UC competing for the National Title.  UC ended up losing in the second round of the NCAA tournament.

Next, let’s go to 2009.   Texas vs Nebraska (bear with me here).  Texas QB Colt McCoy rolls right and tosses a pass out of bounds.  The clock reads 0.00.  The refs converge, and put 1 second back on the clock which allows Texas to kick a 46 yard field goal to beat Nebraska.  Why does that matter, you ask?  That 46 yard field goal knocked the University of Cincinnati to number 3 in the BCS standings, meaning they didn’t get to play for the National Title.

To add insult to injury, Brian Kelly left the Bearcats to become Notre Dame’s head coach a few short days after.

Fast forward to 2012.  The Cincinnati Reds were considered one of, if not the team to beat in Major League Baseball.  They cruised through the regular season, won 97 games (second only to the Nationals), and won the NL Central by 9 games.

Come playoff time, Cincinnati fans were feeling great after going to San Francisco and winning the first two games of their best of five series.  The Reds were coming home, only needing to with one game.  2-1, 8-3, 6-4.  Those were the next 3 games.  All won by the San Francisco Giants.

People often talk about curses.  The curse of the Bambino.  The curse of the Billy Goat.  The curse of an extremely shitty run organization.  Okay, maybe I made that one up, but it brings me (finally) back to my original point.  There are no curses.  There is only epic failure as a result of years of ineptitude.

The city of Cincinnati hasn’t won a playoff series since 1995.  Highlighted in that epic run of failure is the Cincinnati Bengals.  Let me throw that number 7 at you again.  0-7.  That is Marvin Lewis’ record in the playoffs.  People want to fondly remember 2005.  When the Bengals came out of nowhere to go to the playoffs for the first time since 1990, only to have Carson Palmer tear his ACL on the second play of the wild card game against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Or 2013 when the Bengals were significant favorites against an overmatched San Diego Chargers team, but managed to lose by 17. And it wasn’t that close.  I was there.

Oh, and then there was 2015, when Marvin Lewis completely lost control of his team and players.  Those players managed to blow a game to the Pittsburgh Steelers through acts or dirty plays, blatant disregard for the rules and their opponents, and a disrespect for their head coach.

Today, 1/2/18, those same Cincinnati Bengals signed Marvin Lewis to a 2 year extension.  The same Marvin Lewis that Adam Schefter reported was leaving the Bengals after this year.  The same Marvin Lewis that had his team quit on him that led to a 26 point loss to the Bears (the BEARS!).  The same Marvin Lewis that has been defiant in every press conference for the last 15 years and insulting all fans’ intelligence along the way.  The same Marvin Lewis who reiterated his goal is to bring a world championship to Cincinnati.

The problem, Marvin, is that no one believes a word you say anymore.  This is the classic case of over-promising and under delivering.

This is a dangerous precedent that the Bengals are setting.  I’d imagine what I’m feeling is not the best-case scenario for the Bengals.  I should feel heartbroken like I did in 2000 when Kenyon broke his leg.  I should feel frustrated like I did when Texas made that field goal against Nebraska.  I should feel disappointed like I did when the Reds lost game 5 to the Giants.  I should be pissed off like I was in 2015 when the Bengals lost to the Steelers.

But I don’t feel any of those things.  Not even a little bit.  I wasn’t surprised.  I wasn’t mad.  I wasn’t disappointed.  I wasn’t even frustrated.

I was apathetic.

I am to the point where I don’t give two shits about what the Bengals do.  I don’t care if they win.  I don’t care if they lose.  I don’t care if they get arrested, get in a fight on the field, commit ridiculous penalties and cost themselves thousands of dollars.   I don’t care if they threaten to move if they don’t get tax dollars from people who actually give a shit about doing the right thing.  After all, if they don’t give a shit, why should I?  And that is the most dangerous feeling of all.

Someone pass me an LA Rams jersey…